Category: Tripping

How's your Ass-been?

9/26/2019

I am not the best traveller. I don't like cars or planes. I don't like boats or trains. I don't like strange beds or slowly dripping showers. I don't like friends having fun and staying up all hours. I don't like hiking or biking. There is not much to my liking. But I like Aspen. And channeling Dr. Seuss.

I also like eating and drinking.

Here are some of my friends. They still look bright eyed and bushy tailed on day one. Actually they are all such forces of nature that they looked bright eyed and busy tailed on day four. Sort of. Once I get their permission I will show you what they looked like on the way home. Luckily I took the photo so you won't be able to see what I looked like.

Its possible my head was leaning against the wall.

The first afternoon and evening brought just that. We ate outdoors at The Red Onion. Some of us liked it enough to head back there late night to meet some locals. I hear they were friendly despite having a billion dollars.

I woke up early on day two to buy pastries. I bought all the pastries. They cost a billion dollars and were sickeningly good. Maybe the place was Paradise bakery? If not it should have been. I was not the only carb-obsessed traveller. We each brought snacks to share. Not many of these bags made the trip home. Particularly because they paired so well with the Green Chili cheddar dip.

In addition to carbohydrates day two featured the one hike I managed: Maroon Bells. Short and spectacular. Lets ignore the fact that we got there by shuttle and a large portion of the "hike" was navigated with ease by octogenarians. I didn't include the iconic lake shot because I am not one to follow the herd.

Except literally as I followed the herd around the lake.

There was a little off trail hiking over a river and through the woods which were fittingly made of Aspens
And clearly my friends are not octogenarians. They are still bright eyed and bushy tailed.

And it was great to follow in their footsteps.

After the hike we needed hydration so we headed the W hotel bar. We are attending to our hero, enjoying his Australian accent as much as our drink orders. Our priorities changed however when he dropped our drinks in the pool. It was a rescue mission befitting the great Australian wildlife expert Steve Irwin. But luckily less deadly. It had a happy ending:

Too sweet for me.

The next morning those of us who were sane skipped the hours long almost pure vertical hike. We hit a local coffee shop. Shop local people. Just check the cup if you need a reminder. Which you might before your caffeine.

Then we headed to the art market/farmer's market, the John Denver Botanic Garden, and a walk to look at billion dollar houses.

One of our group calls the Hotel Jerome her happy place. Or something more soulful. That said we decided to pop in around lunchtime. You can do some deep reading about the architecture and amenities on their website. We walked through the excellent lobby, checked out the closed bar and then settled in for burgers at the J Bar. Although I don't remember prohibition I have decided to add the word fiasco to my life. It is a fiasco that I have been ignoring it for so long. Was that as forced as me at Maroon Bells. Maybe.

Then we headed to a bookstore. Which didn't stock the book for bookclub. Perhaps because when I chose it I thought it was a recent release but instead it was published in 2007.

No telling.

But look how well my friend's shirt goes with the books. Very well.

Next we went to buy some wine at Grape & Grain. My friend paid with $100 bill even though she does not have a billion dollars. The cashier said he didn't have it despite having handed her her change. Here are my friends frantically searching for the $100 bill that they were pretty sure the cashier had lost. What a fiasco. This too had a happy ending. They allowed us to leave with both change and the wine. And then called to say the bill was under the cash register.

That night (our last one) found us at Monarch Steakhouse. Eat local. Here I followed the martini rule. Martinis are like breasts. One is two few. Three are too many. Except that I didn't actually follow the rule and had three. Hence the un-fun drive home.

Another highlight of Aspen? The bathrooms! I am not talking about posh bar bathrooms. I am talking about outdoor bathrooms.

See that? It is a cage filled with stone like the "walls" outside The Source. It has a standing seam metal roof and flowers. It also has composting toilets. Let's chalk that up to being good for the world. Which is possible in a place like Aspen where everyone has a billion dollars.

Want to see another one? Well it might be difficult because this one is a cross between cave dwellers and a zoo habitat.

Although I didn't investigate I hear that the interior featured composting toilets as well. Set in nature. Good for world. Billion dollars.

Here's to Aspen: full of hikes, bites, drinks and billionaires. And snark.

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How's your Ass-been?

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